Just want to be sure I am not going against any BD'ing rules. Example: W tries to be friendly and I suddenly want nothing to do with her.
There is a chapter in DR on going dark, if I remember right Michele does say it's to protect the LBS and not to restore the M. Basically she says something along the lines of this- if you just can't take the roller coaster of emotions anymore and you feel like you're really spinning then just go completely dark and have nothing to do with the WAS. It's for the LBS, but sometimes it is what shakes the WAS out of the fog. Look at TXHubby's sitch, he basically quit DB'ing and no longer gave his W the time of day, he was -that- done with her. And it ended up being the slap-in-the-face that woke her up. I'm certainly not condoning it as a technique to try and bring the WAS back because it can also drive them away, but if you have had it then there is nothing wrong with going dark if you feel it's the healthiest thing for you.
Just curious. Who here has actually asked their WS how they feel the LBS should react in regards to OP? Example: Do they feel we should just stay out of their business? Should we just pretend that what we knowing nothing is happening? Etc.?
Had this crazy thought on just asking my W on how she feels I'm supposed to react to the blantant disrespect. Most likely won't ask. But when the communication with W and OM is obvious to the point where you just laugh at this point. It's like catching your child doing something wrong and they do a bad job trying to hide.
Sometimes I'll just walk in the room and she'll quickly stop messaging. I'll intentionally step out and pop up 10 seconds later just see her stop again. Then I'll turn it into a game where I may do it a few more times before moving on.
Tread, do not buy into her lie of how they are "just friends now". They don't go from lovers (emotionally or physically) in an affair to "just friends". The "just friends" is a smoke screen they think gives them clearance to continue contacting each other. If the spouse asks questions, they tell them it's okay b/c they are only friends. I don't why H's think they are suppose to simply roll over and accept his W's inappropriate behavior just b/c she uses the disguise of friendship. Betrayal is wrong, regardless of the name she wants to use to condone it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Trust I'm not buying into any of it. It's just the fact that I can show W proof that I know things and she will still hold in to the lie. Nobody is accepting the behavior, just waiting to see this lawyer this week to see if I can get the ball rolling on this process.
Anybody else been told some crazy things from their WS?
My Wh's response to my question of how he thought I would react when I found out he was screwing a 21 year old nurse and had proposed to her;
"I thought you'd be disappointed."
As if he were a child bringing home a C on his report card instead of violating the boundaries of our marriage while I was pregnant with a high risk pregnancy that he had asked for.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
