Hello there, New thread time. No idea which # this is. I started my last thread in February really being ok with the impending divorce. It wasn't what I wanted at all, but I know that I did everything I possibly could to try and salvage a relationship with ex. I didn't save my marriage, but I saved myself tenfold and have emerged from the rubble much much much happier, more confident in myself, more compassionate, more patient, more understanding, more forgiving, more loving, and just having an increased zest for life.
With that, the recent events with ex and the dog not only allowed me to purposefully drop the rope, but I also got the blow torch myself and burned it up. Being able to allow myself to completely let go has been very empowering.
I am still hanging out on the MLC board because I want to understand what this man may be going through. I do hope he wakes up and is able to accept his life "as is" without the constant running and chasing of happiness. I feel for him, but in a completely different way than I did before. More platonic, I guess.
While the divorce was filed a year ago in september, we have yet to make any real progress, and that should be coming up next. The accountants are now looking at everything. Ugh. This is the part that succcckkkssss. Money was always paramount in our relationship. It's ex's one and only true love.
I'm not sure I ever mentioned it before, but on our wedding night, Ex opened up all the cards and electronically deposited all the money instead of consummating the marriage with me. Yep. He had energy to count and deposit money, but not have time with his wife. Not only that, he was disappointed in the amount we got and blamed my side of the family. Ummmm red flags?!? So, yeah, on my wedding night not only did i not consummate the marriage, but I was made to feel bad that my family didn't contribute "enough" in financial gifts. What a complete #^*|!~~*£|.
While its been the most painful experience of my life and more painful than I thought possible, I think the universe, guardian Angels, whomever, were and are looking out. I do believe now that this divorce had to happen because I was dead in my marriage. I had no spirit. I don't believe it was his intention at all, but being married to ex killed everything about me. Codependency at its finest. I had no sparkle in my life. For so many reasons I became a fraction of a woman... Too many to recount here.
So, life goes on. Im still on my journey of becoming a whole and complete person. The lifelong goal is to just be an awesome human.
I'm very interested to see where I'll be when this thread ends. Much love, DB friends.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
