Cadence, a cyber hug to you. I'm not sure I see narcissist in yours either. Mine is so textbook that others pale in comparison though. I've read and been told again and again the stress, and indeed divorce, often exacerbate narcissistic traits, so whether he is a narc or is in an MLC, it is possible that he is under a lot of stress from his choices and depression and is just making some incredibly selfish choices.
So what does all this mean for you? How does it change your life? Moving sounds great, if that is what you want. I'm hoping a change of scenery will help kickstart a new life (but also realizing that we take our problems with us).
Remember that the house stuff might also not really be about house stuff. While it is true that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, that sometimes it also something more. Seems like there were easier paths to getting this done than the way he has chosen. Mine will often use formal threats to try to get me to engage. Right now we are engaging quite a bit because of the sale of the house and swapping property, and taking care of the cats, and spending time with the kids as time wanes down, so of course he's being nicer.
Have you tried testing that theory? Call him up, say H I'm about to spend a bunch of money responding to your lawsuit but given our history and past friendship thought I'd make one last run to see if we can just talk this out between us. What might happen? What risk would there be? It's always helpful to have the other guy explain how he sees the case. You just keep your mouth shut and listen and learn things that would cost you tens of thousands of dollars to learn in discovery.
