After the Storm...

[Treasur]

Thank you cadence - I am wearing Andrew P's mind reading turban, aren't I?

In my defence, I suppose I'm basing it on what I hear and see. (And my H basically ran away and was a silent Vanisher for over a year which was possible because he'd taken a job in a new town 100 miles away). What I see is that he wants to talk. I see that he wants to resolve the financial legal stuff so I guess it seems fair to assume that he still wants a D and nothing else.

I've been heartbroken and in pain for a long time, and I lost my parents simultaneously, so it has been a lonely road. I had to let go of even the hope that I would ever see or speak to him again, or ever understand what had happened, because the hope was killing me. I guess I learned to beat hope out by forcing myself to look at the worst reality about him and try to start hoping for the bits of me and my life that I could control.

You're right though that I'm mind reading and expecting the worst, rather than just accepting that I don't know. Maybe I'm so tired of living in 'I don't know land' that it feels safer to not only expect the worst but make the worst happen because I can choose it?

I have survived the worst already, you're right about that too. Other than getting financially screwed, I've already lost everything and everyone that I didn't want to lose. How much worse could it be? I'll think about what you say before I speak to him tomorrow and see what being open-minded feels like. Thank you for the support though. It helps.