Lou, I think they have many different skills. Mine was quite passive appearing, but would absolutely manipulate my emotions to get what he wanted me to do, while making it seem I was getting my own way. Even with the kids. He made me do everything for them and when I asked for help he said but you enjoy those things I don't. It is torture for me so you should do it. I think it is important to know that they will change tactics when the first doesn't work.
I knew that he was trying to make me sell the house to move near him. I knew it had nothing to do with money. He pretended it did of course, and then he pretended it was about seeing S all the time, and that it was about knowing I was safe, and the city he picked was so superior, etc. He tried to be threatening (big scary talk of lawyers, to a lawyer no less), kind, concerned, and now of course he is so depressed that we are moving away, everything is going wrong). If yours hasn't changed up the strategies on you, just know that he will.
