New to the journey and thank you.

[Kylo]

Thanks for the replies. I've read the book and doing a lot of research, which is why there isn't much to this thread. I've been doing really well with Sandi's rules. It seems between my pride and getting turned onto the Divorce Remedy book early, there wasn't much to any chasing, crying, etc...
It seems pretty clear to me she is on the BPD spectrum, but might fall short of clinical diagnosis. Her childhood certainly supports it. My dad used to say it was amazing that my wife turned out so normal, well...... It seems to me like BPD is almost a guarantee of MLC.

I read the traits and "examples" of BPD and some of them just make me say "wow"! My interest in this research has distracted me, so I'm not dealing with too much pain. It is not often you find a topic you are interested in that you knew nothing about. I am amazed at how much people are affected by their childhoods. Hers:

-Her parents divorced. Dad moves away. At some point her brother goes and lives with dad.

-Mom remarries and new guy brings two sons along. They treat her like their sister, and the new guy treats her like a daughter, even offering adoption. Meanwhile, the possible alcoholic, definitely narcissistic mother fights with the new man violently. Eventually this new family leaves in the middle of the night, never to be heard from again.

-Mom and brother are clinically crazy. And many other things.

Really, how could my wife NOT have issues. I do feel a little sorry for her, but I'm starting to wonder if getting back on track is even possible? Even if she comes back we have BPD to work through which requires commitment, effort, time, all things she does not want to give.

I feel the worst for my boys. I love 'em a ton, they're sweet, fun and completely innocent. I started to feel that I let them down making this poor choice of a mom, (she's actually a good mom, BUT SHE WANTS A DIVORCE, so a failure), but I realized there was no way to really tell before the marriage. I never believed in the whole rough childhood affecting people as adults. I thought it was BS. I wish I knew then what I know now. Her history would have given me serious pause.