What makes me happy isn't what makes him happy right now. But it did make him happy and not too long ago. We did have the same goals and visions for our life. I mean like I said we just bought property and had an architect draw up the plans for our home. He wanted to start building this summer and had already started the process for the construction loan. That's where I struggle is the radical change. It's not like I dreamt this life up on my own and made him do things he didn't want. So my struggle is how can someone go from being such a family man and wanting this life to them suddenly not. Or that he just doesn't want these things with ME all of the sudden. The frustration is he has the ability to be what the boys and I need I guess it's just when he WANTS to and when it's good for him.
My family says he's just a quitter. He's good as long as things are good. But when things get tough or are difficult he gives up. He just wants everything handed to him. He repeatedly has told my grandmother he wants a simple life. Wants to not work so much. He's never said that to me. Coming from the person with 3 trucks 2 boats and now a motorcycle. It's very contradictory. I just am trying to figure it out because I don't know how I can accept this change in life to move forward. It's just still so crazy to me.
Planning a baby etc to now eh it's over have a nice life. I'm going to act as if you don't exist and we should be friends and co parent together. Now I'm going to go back to my home state once a month even though I haven't cared to visit there in 2 years and I'm going to talk to all my 'friends' up there I haven't seen in 14 years or talked to since the last time I left you.
