A familiar story with questions..

[RR17]

Theoden, all valid points. Sorry your's didn't work out. The whole F'ing thing is hard.

The dance IS exhausting and unsustainable.

4. Her brother is a lawyer? Really? Sounds like you are about to get hosed. The ONE thing you need to go is go consult as good lawyer ASAP to know your rights and get prepared. Start seizing the initiative. This is your life, your house, your kids, time to protect your interests. Do not tell her you're doing this.

I'm not afraid of her brother. He is a limp noodle, none confrontational lawyer. Their father is a retired prosecutor that loves and treats me like a son. That said I won't proceed with blind eyes. My Ds are teens and custody won't matter.

10. This sounds like a contradiction to what I said in #9, but the only real change you need to make it clear, solid, boundaries and being hard-core about what you want and need. People respond to that. Being an emotional chameleon, "trying" to be detached doesn't work. Set boundaries, set ultimatums. This is hard, but, it helps avoid all the back and forth. Does she want to be married to you or not? Thus far she said she wants a separation or a divorce. Act on that. If you want something else, state it. You can say, "If you want to work on this marriage, fine, if you don't, I have some decisions to make in the next few weeks." Strength and clarity are attractive.

Again, I agree. The problem is I see value in not bringing the R up and these things require a R discussion. When and if that time comes I will be prepared.