He made me feel uncomfortable, challenging what I was saying to him, it had hints of how H used to speak to me, making me feel guilty or sorry for him so he would get his own way. It unsettled me, but I was really pleased with myself for standing my ground and saying no, this is not what I want and you will not treat me this way. So if nothing else positive comes of h leaving me, I have learnt that I deserve to be treated with total respect, my opinion is valid and I would rather be on my own for the rest of my life than allow another tool in it!
Honestly, Lou as I read this I got chills. I think this person was put in your life to show you how far you've come on this front. Well done!!! You ABSOLUTELY deserve total respect! While it can't have been pleasant, I'm so happy for you to have had this experience so you can see how much you've grown from this horrible experience we are all going through.
I'm so happy you're working with the doctor on addressing the thyroid issues. I'm glad the HRT is helping as well. I'm so glad you feel like you can function normally. I've worried about you xoxo
I'm thrilled to read you have this goal of owning your own beach house, and even more delighted to read that you're 1/3 of the way towards your deposit. Have you read back in your threads to see how far you've come?
Macrame, huh? I don't know why but I got this idea reading about your macrame and driftwood project that you might be able to sell some of this work and add that $$$ to the savings account. What do you think?
And if it's successful enough, it could turn into a regular income stream for you!
I'm glad it's not awkward at work with guy friend. That tells me even more that this was a test for you Lou and you've passed with flying colors!!
I'm sorry about s20's employer. He will find something soon. Maybe it wouldn't be bad for him to go live with his dad for a bit, see that the grass isn't greener past the holiday.
In terms of exh, I know what you mean. How did we get here? How does one spend more than half one's life with another person, have children with them, finish each other's sentences and end up here of all places?! I'm grateful I'm not that kind of person and I would guess you feel the same.
Originally Posted By: LouR
Do I still have the fantasy of him waking up one day to realise who he walked away from and fight for me – Yep – but I am realistic and my expectation of that ever happening is a big zero. I can’t see how it is even possible now, he has made it clear that I have no place in his life, not even an acknowledgement as the mother of his children, so sad.
Yes, I know this well. It's not so much a fantasy for me as it is the knowledge that at some point in the future my exh will realize what he's done but it will be far too little too late in my case. I cannot go back to that existence. I'm so much more aware of what I want in a relationship, what I will and won't put up with. Sometimes knowing what you don't want is just as important as knowing what you do want.
And, in the spirit of DB, I have to also point out that we don't know how your h feels one way or another and we shouldn't assume.
I do want to ask, and hope it's not intrusive. You're saving and working so hard so you can buy your home, yet you are still legally married. Will he have any legal claim to your assets? How does it work in NZ? Please check into that. You've worked too hard to have to split anything, you know what I mean?
Originally Posted By: LouR
I am moving along, focused on saving for my beach house, keeping myself to myself and starting to find inner peace.
I'm so happy to read this. I've missed you my friend. Much love, hugs, health and happiness to you. Don't be a stranger! Mwah :* xoxoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
