My years of dating have been a bunch of trial and error, but I learn something new from each guy I date. There was a point where I would rationalize everything. One big thing I learned is if they don't want to be here, then they can go. If I am not getting what I need, then I need to ask for it, and if they can't give it to me, I can't really pretzel myself, because I would be unhappy.
The biggest thing really is deciding what you need. I've been following you for a while and I think you are really wanting someone who will give you lots of time and attention. You did also admit you have a thing with plans and breaking them. You like things planned. Some guys are truly non-committal to that way of dating. They perhaps are not the one from you.
I'll be honest, I get the "needy" vibe at times with you. I recognize it because I gave off that vibe for a while. You really want and need a relationship and that exclusivity and fast. You will know in your gut if that is the situation or the guy you are dating is really love avoidant.
My last guy was the first non-love avoidant guy I dated. It was "only" 3 months, but off the back we spent lots of time together and we were exclusive and used words like boyfriend and girlfriend. He gave me tons of time. He is a firefighter full-time career and owns a landscaping company. When we first met, he worked every 4th day for 24 hours. The rest was free time he spent with me when I could. He went out of his way to come to me. he called and texted every morning and all day long.We went on a week long vacation together and it was amazing. Then landscaping began again. He was very busy, we saw each other less, but we made plans and he actually stuck to them. If he got offered other plans but had made them with me, he would never break plans with me, even if I told him to go for it. (if he was just coming over for dinner when I had D9, I encouraged him to go out, but he chose not to).
Our relationship is over due to some big fundamental difference like his age and him wanting kids. But I will say he was the best boyfriend I ever had.
It was a challenge for ME to make the time with school, kid, and full-time job and me wanting to keep my friendships strong. But I really really cared about him and I made it work. Finding balance in life is a tricky tricky thing.
One thing I do refuse to do is wait around for a guy. I got a full life. You should NOT be waiting around on to see if he will make plans with you. I did that with a guy and it just made me feel kind of crappy.
If you truly want to nap and eat pizza, then do that. If you want to go out with girlfriends, do that. If you want a weekend get away, do that! I imagine you are readily available for any invitation he gives you. Don't be. If you make plans and he decides last minute he wants to see you, DO NOT cancel plans. You will get a good idea of where you stand in life.
Although my last R moved really fast in 3 months, It is good to move slowly. Not give everything all at once. You will find out how into you he truly is with time. But if you find yourself convincing yourself you only need what he is willing to give you, you might want to rethink things.
I would really write down what you absolutely need in a relationship and what things are compromisable. It's helped me a bit.
And tonight I am sitting on my couch in my PJ's watching Netflix. It's just what I need:)
