Okay, so, sorta sidebar here: What are some of the GAL activities that any of the LBS's on here have found particularly therapeutic and helpful in terms of boosting sense of self and helping with detachment from the MR trainwreck? Fitness has been a big one with me. Hanging out with friends, when I can, is another but my number of "local" friends is somewhat limited. Canoeing/kayaking/fishing is something I really enjoy.
What have some others here found particularly good?
I don't take GAL quite so literally. To me GAL is all about finding alternatives to having needs met that you used to look to WAS for. I am extremely introverted and was not interested in traditional GAL activities and am turned off by many of them. So instead of thinking I'll just go out and do stuff to keep busy, I started by asking what I was missing from WAS and how else could I replace that in my life.
Non traditional activities that to me feel like GAL are:
-posting on DB forums. Replaces talking to XW. Hey, I'm interacting with others, getting to know people, and talking about things on my mind.
-get a message. Nothing intimate, but it is relaxing and provides a friendly human touch.
-leave messages for my friend. My best friend and I take turns leaving each other 5-20 minutes of voicemails during the day. Someone to share the funny things that happen, talk about life, the universe, and everything. Provides a partner to handle life with and someone to be a witness to my existence.
-spend time with my family. My family may not be the same, but I still have a family. I cherish my time with them.
-play pool. I enjoy it and am good at it. People always gather to watch me play, and often times I can give some pointers to someone that wants to learn from me. People look up to me so just a few positive words from me have made amazing impacts on people and I enjoy using my 'status' in the pool world to build others up. This makes me feel good about who I am and validated.
Basically once you have itemized the needs you used to look to WAS for and then found replacements for them, you will stop seeing them as this magical happiness dispenser and see them as just another human that you don't interact with. To me this is GAL and it must be working for me because I have what I need to feel fulfilled and content in my life.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Interesting ideas, although... I have a MAJOR problem with heights. My only real phobia. (I'm even okay with spiders crawling on me!) Although, I've always said if there was one of the "height" extreme activities I thought I could do, it would be skydiving. For some reason I think being up SO high in the air there would almost be no frame of reference to the ground, as opposed to, say, bungee jumping where the ground is pretty much RIGHT THERE. I have no problem, by extension, with commercial flying. Interestingly, my W's take on this is the opposite-- she thinks it would suck to have to think about hitting the ground all the way down if your chute failed, whereas with bungee jumping you'd hardly have time to worry about it and would so be more inclined to try the latter!
I am not all that crazy about working out, either, BUT... I do enjoy the results enough and get enough of a mental boost (I am a firm believer in endorphins) that I find it rewarding.
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
You first skydive is tandem - you're strapped to an expert who knows what to do. He (or she) does all the work, and you just enjoy the ride. Exiting the plane is a bit nerve wracking, but your point about having no frame of reference is totally right. You just feel like you're hanging out in the sky for a while.
Then again, I'm not really afraid of heights
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
For me, the best GAL activities were those that contributed to a growth mindset--new activities that stretched my boundaries and challenged my limits.
I read recently in the NY Times that research shows doing new things as a couple lights up the same regions of the brain as new love. I think it's similar when you do new things solo too--it just brings a different energy into your life.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
You first skydive is tandem - you're strapped to an expert who knows what to do. He (or she) does all the work, and you just enjoy the ride. Exiting the plane is a bit nerve wracking, but your point about having no frame of reference is totally right. You just feel like you're hanging out in the sky for a while.
Then again, I'm not really afraid of heights
One of the best GAL things I ever did was to skydive. Did it a second time, and will do it again. LOVED IT!
Tandem is very safe (back up chute opens automatically if the main one does not).
I'm almost glad I did not know how safe it was the first time, b/c I was strangely enthralled by the idea of it being extremely dangerous.
Anyway, enjoy!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I'd agree - skydiving is a winner! And the advantage of surviving the shock and anxiety most of us have had is that jumping out of a plane at 15000ft seems quite straightforward in comparison...
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
I'd agree - skydiving is a winner! And the advantage of surviving the shock and anxiety most of us have had is that jumping out of a plane at 15000ft seems quite straightforward in comparison...
Sadly, this is very true. But we can turn our tragedy into strength.
Also, I'll confess I've thought about trying that puffer fish at the sushi place. Feels a bit fatalistic though...
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
