By the grace of God

[mleigh4]

Thanks Westo, it was wonderful!

Job, I had the toilet installed by a professional. Drama free and peace of mind. I gave H the bill to chip in half

So Tuesday was my birthday. The night before when I dropped off S with H, H had questions about the beach trip. Where was it, was anyone else going, when would we be back. I pointed out some days before school starts that S needs a place to go and asked if he could take some time off. I said, don't make me play "cat in the cradle". It was a joke, but H got really upset with me. He said that was mean. It was a joke, but being honest with myself, it also comes from a place of anger and disappointment.

The next morning H dropped off S, it was my birthday. He wished me a happy birthday and left for work. This is the first birthday he did not take S shopping to get me a gift. He did the same on Mothers day. I guess we are here now? So I have to ask, how do you guys handle birthdays and holidays with your ex and a child too young to shop on his own? Is this just the norm? Or do I need to continue asking myself, what the h#ll did I do to make him hate me so much???

I did get surprised by phone calls from both MIL and FIL to wish me a happy birthday. FIL also sent a card with cash, just like old times. He signed it "dad" and asked to please do lunch sometime, that he misses me.

Later that day, I brushed off feeling hurt by H. S, dog and I headed to the beach home. It was the perfect get away! I relaxed so much, did whale watching from the deck, took a walk with S and dog on the beach, slept like a baby to the sound of crashing waves....wonderful!!!

While there, H asked for pics, I sent them, and he thanked me. I also did some texting with a new friend. I found myself feeling a little....bothered? Not sure if that is the right word....I wanted to just spend this time with my son. I realised again that maybe I just don't have time for anyone else right now. IDK, seems this is S time. He will grow and be off in his own life, then I can venture out. Yes it's lonely at times, yes I could really use some help, but it's ok. He remains my priority and focus.

Last night my best friend took me out to dinner. After, she wanted me to go back home with her. I hesitate as her H and her always fight! I can't stand it! And sure enough, they got into it, my cue to leave. I will take being alone over a relationship like that any day. And she is one of the biggest pushers for me to meet someone!

Back home now and it feels good. I feel rejuvenated and ready to get back into routine. I hit some more projects, one of them to box up more of H stuff. I have 3 full boxes, all labeled with his name and up on a shelf. While putting things away, I found a card I had given H, a list of all the things I loved so much about him. Funny enough, it brought feelings of happiness, not sadness. I remembered and felt those things, they were real, and how lucky I am to have felt that kind of love! I placed it right on top in one of his boxes.

Today I have devoted to getting rid of the negative energy I have been around this week, and bringing myself into a positive place. Eating healthy, exercise and yoga always do the trick. I am so grateful for what I have, and the good and love around me SO outweighs the bad. Sometimes we need a little reminder of that!

I am pretty confident in saying that the story of H and I is over. I came here with such high hopes that H and I could overcome this, but as we all know, things don't always work out the way you hope. That can be a good thing! It may mean this chapter was a learning experience for what lies ahead....that is what I choose to believe.

Trust in the process, keep an open heart and mind, believe in yourself!

M