Hi 25yearsmlc,

Thanks’ for your response.

You’ve opened my eyes and helped a great deal, it gives me hope and a course to focus on. I feel recently I’ve been doing the dance and am finally beginning to understand that there’s no point!

Again I truly L my WW and feel it’s right in fighting for my M and our family but need to be cleverer and bow to your experience. I have children and due to this I very often see her but am trying to detach better with no texts, calls or emails at all from me, I don’t pursue her but allow her to visit my boys when they stay over with me this has now evolved into her waiting outside and talking to them in the driveway I of course am nowhere to be seen.

My underlying issue still is the counter-intuitiveness of these actions, I am going to better myself for me and am doing a better job of GAL’ing, keeping fit (you’re right about the DR diet) and being more assertive with everyone but deep down I feel I need to be there for her in times of need. I feel I need to demonstrate that I can still be her best friend and a safe place to come to when she needs it.

I’m a firm believer in that people don’t leave something for something worse and without me demonstrating to her that I am the better option than the AP/LO where’s the draw?

MWD does mention that MOST A’s end in the first 6-months and the statistics I’ve been told favour the BS (only 5% of WS leave their M for another WS) and then are usually D within the first 5 years, but for me it’s how do I go about turning the tide back in favour of the M!
It’s been 8-months now since she says the A started, I moved out of the family home in Feb this year (2017) so feel I’ve still got a lot of time before the WW works through her issues and remembers that what we had wasn’t that bad, does that ever happen… The AP/LO is 5-years her junior and a full 14-years mine married with his own family one being a S4, how does an A affect a male WS is it different than for a female WS?

Anyway I feel I’m spending too much time and energy looking at the A and will take your advice UNTIL she comes to me then my actions will kick in and continue to hope for the best, either way I’m slowly beginning to realise I’ll be better whatever the outcome will be my boys I’m not so sure…

Thanks again.

Mark.

DR'ing started March 2017

Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".