T, I love hearing how well you sound. Take pride in doing things like baiting the hook, etc. It was a total game changer for me. It was also really cool with what it did for my relationship with my kids. I will never forget putting up a tent for the first time with my daughter. She was ten at the time. All three of my kids have learned to be more self-sufficient since it's just me. I think it's been good for them.
Some of this experience will leave scars, but they fade with time. I've been divorced two years now, and it's been three since Mr. Fantastic moved out, but today I cried because of the letter I reread from his OW, which I first read four years ago. I realized some of the stuff he had done to us and the timing of it all and it just hit home all over again. I KNOW that it was all him -- I was in the middle of organizing our family's cross-country move as he was promising the OW to leave me for her -- I wasn't even there to do anything to push him away. Everything I was doing was in support of him finding career satisfaction. But yet I still have moments where I doubt myself. I could have done this and that better, maybe this part of me was something he couldn't stand, etc. Just like you do. But it was only a blip of vulnerability. It hurts to know we gave our kids this brittle guy for a dad, that the great life we thought we'd set up was a mirage, and all that. It gets better. A TON better. And also, every once in a while, it hurts to realize how badly we were treated. It's ok. All those things are right and appropriate to feel.
What I'm trying to say is, enjoy the peaceful moments and don't beat yourself up for the sad ones. Both those things are right. Over time the peaceful moments will outweigh the sad ones more and more. Rest in the sad ones, don't fight them, and they will pass more quickly.
Keep having a great time, T!!!
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
