Finding my way out of the dark - Part 3

[Holding]

Thanks, dusty! Yeah, the parallels are frightening. If my W were to come out of the fog at this point, I'm not sure I would believe it. So I'm now being held back by this feeling that is basically irrational.

Yesterday W and I talked on the phone for about 45 minutes (longest in a while), mostly about settling some financial issues since she now has a separate checking account and refuses to participate in the joint checking account. We accomplished a lot. I got a little bit of a pity party from her, with her saying how she wouldn't be able to afford to have her hair done for a few months, since money would be so tight for her.

At the end of the conversation (she always pounces at the end), things took a turn:

W: Is there anything you want to talk about?

Me: No.

W: I'm sorry. (pause) I keep saying I'm sorry. I feel like I'm always the one apologizing.

Me: Do you think I haven't already apologized for my part in this? (hint: I did - profusely - after BD and the following 2 weeks)

W: No. You have. (She's starting to sound emotional and may be crying.) Nobody wants this.

Me: If nobody wants this, then why is it happening?

W: I just can't do this any more. (long pause) How are you doing?

Me: I'm fine.

W: Okay. You know, I still have you listed as my emergency contact for my Europe trip. Is that okay?

Me: Yeah, sure.

W: Promise me you won't let me die over there if something happens.

Me: (pause) Okay, I promise.

We said bye and the call ended.

I bet some people will say that I should have told her I didn't want to be her emergency contact. I think that would have been too harsh. She is a fellow human after all, and my children's mother.

I saw my IC yesterday, and told her how I thought this exchange and the accompanying pity party was just W's way of manipulating me. IC suggested that it may not be manipulation, but maybe just W's way of grieving and sorting out the end of the marriage. IC suggested that W may be going through the phases of grief herself and that this may be the bargaining phase for her. I don't know.