Squinting at the morning sun

[ciluzen]

Ok! First date in 28 years down, how many more to go? Here's the good parts:

1) I got there early and got my own beer, recommended by the server. It was a nice new brewery and he was knowledgable and good to talk to as I sat at the bar.
2) I wasn't nervous. This dawned on me as I sat there and people-watched. I had a "look how far you've come" moment as I realized that 28 years ago, or even 3 years ago, I would have been almost paralytically nervous just at the thought of walking into a room of people alone. Yes, my shyness and social anxiety was that bad.
3) My date showed up and seemed pretty nervous and eager to make a good impression. I tried to keep it light and positive. It was fun and we talked for two hours. Yes, I nursed a 16oz IPA for two hours.

The not-so-good:
1) He seemed to have memorized my profile and kept referring to things I had written and that they attracted him. I mean, instead of just discussing the subject matter, he would say, "you wrote such-and-such and I thought that was cool". Over and over. As if he was dating a profile not getting to know a person.
2) He was very excited that I "hinted" throughout my profile that I had an open mind. He thought that was good. I got the overwhelming impression from him that he hated to try anything different.
3) As it was getting later, he wanted me to know his whole marriage history...that he met and slept with his first wife on their first date and was married within the month. The marriage lasted 14 years. Same pattern with the second wife. He then told me he was 65 and that this was his last chance. Ummmm...10 points for being honest?
4) At the 2hr point, I told him I thought it was time for me to go, smiled, thanked him for a nice time, told him I enjoyed meeting him, etc, etc. and left. We were in a corner area and there was a side door and a front door. I walked to the front and he walked out the side.
5) He never suggested we eat nor did he offer to walk me to the door or my car. We met at 6pm and left at 8pm.
6) He wrote to me later and apologized for my obvious discomfort (I wasn't really) and when I wrote back to say that, he told me that was the most abrupt exit in 15 years of dating. Ok. Yeah, maybe it was. It wouldn't have been if he'd walked with me to the door or car.

My takeaway? I think I will still just do coffee or a beer. I think I will talk a bit longer before I go out with someone. I will be sticking to my age boundaries (I was being generous with 10 years older and younger and he exceeded the higher limit by 5 years). I'm going to be picky. I need to stick with what I want in a person...and intelligence, confidence and authenticity are a must now. Its what I'm striving for in me and its what I will need to see in him. I thought I had that in XH...but it was the masked lack of confidence and self worth which eventually peeked through and led to our marriage breakdown (at least from his side).

I went home, ate dinner, and resumed talking to a biologist that seems pretty interesting, funny, intelligent and sweet. He's a self-described nerd...I think I'm kind of nerdy, too. He's closer to my age as well. No hurry. Glad I got a first date out of my system and that I chose someone that I had no expectations about. Much more relaxed now.