KGirl - new life, new stuff #2

[25yearsmlc]

OK, I'm trying to do this today. Yesterday morning I mentioned "wanna get together Thursday or Friday?" and he said sure, sounds good. I am trying really hard to NOT text to ask "so, did you want to get together tonight.. or tomorrow..?"

you have already initiated ^^^this, so it's not your job to clarify or ask again. Did you give him 2 nights as options b/c you assumed it would be harder for him to say he's busy?

PLEASE Stop the pursuit. Let him come to you. Treat him like a squirrel, no sudden moves and not so darn much chasing. Chasing is not working for you.

When something does not serve you, including behaviors, exchange it for something that does serve you.



This is difficult for me because as a planner I don't like waiting until the day-of to know what I'm going to do after work (do I need to clean up, did I wear the right underwear!, what's going to happen for dinner, etc.)

Make plans for yourself b/c you are a planner. Then if he asks you out, you can invite him to join you. Either way - you have plans.


But I guess there's nothing bad with rolling with it and saying if he brings it up "yeah, tonight still works but I need an hour to pick up my dirty clothes and stuff."

why would that^^ be bad? Also he does not owe you a reason for joining late, or not joining at all. You are not in an established r wherein explanations are required.

You just started dating 2 months ago. Are you even exclusive with each other?

(Do Not ask him, if you don't know the answer. I'm just asking you so I can understand your view of this r. Frankly I don't understand the demands you are putting on him.)



I am also trying really hard to not initiate messages and just respond to him instead. It's making me very anxious.


this^^^ is what I'd ask your IC about. And the fears you mention in this thread. Dig deep and figure out why you are frantically trying to manipulate this guy and placing so much value on HIS reaction to YOU.

HIS reaction is not a reflection on you. He is not the measuring tool by which your value is determined.

For example, he sent me this picture of a thing he is looking for and it's clearly at someone else's house. I said "well did you ask whoever it is where it's from?" He said "yeah they said it's from etc..." and my brain immediately goes to "wait, why 'they'? where were you? are you at some girl's house? why the vagueness?" Clearly I'm having some issues...

I don't think He owes you any details or explanations. He sent you a picture of something he's looking for. So If you see or find that object, let him know.
Otherwise you are sounding like an insecure, jealous, possessive soon to be ex girlfriend.

Nothing else from this^^^ exchange is really your business. (((Calm down KG.)))

you are chasing him away and even though you seem to know this, you do it anyhow.

That's something to look at, isn't it? Cheeseless tunnels big time.


One thing about dating now, as opposed to when I was very young, is that I'm now okay politely saying "No thank you", when invited to something I do not want to do or by a person I do not wish to date.

"I have plans", etc. Whereas in high school, I always felt obligated to give a huge "more important" reason for simply declining an invite. Looking back, I see a sense of entitlement in a lot of men back then, b/c they'd wait for you to explain WHY you did not wish to date their wonderful selves.

I wasted a lot of time caving in to going on 1st dates just to be able to say "we don't have much in common" afterwards.

I could have just saved them money and both of us time by saying, "Oh, that's very nice of you, but no thank you." NO explaining "that weekend is bad for me" so they can return the next weekend to check again.

Let this guy have his freedom. It belongs to him. He's not obligated to anything but courtesy.

When you realize he does not owe you and you do not owe him,

maybe you can enjoy each others' company.