Still here. Still not detached...

[JRuss]

I guess part of me was still trying until the very end (I had a very hard time detaching because we lived together until May), but I didn't throw up any legal barriers or anything like that. Once I knew I had 50% custody and wouldn't have to go to the mattresses over that, I was cooperative during the negotiations where we split our assets.

My W just decided a long, long time ago that the life we had as a four-person family wasn't for her and, eventually, pushed the D across the finish line. There was no infidelity, just years of her slowly pulling away more and more. I tried everything I could, got a lot of it wrong, but I'm 100% at peace that I did what I could to keep the family together.

My kids are doing well so far, and that's allowed me to drop a lot of anxiety for their futures and (most of) the anger I had toward my ex. We're doing pretty well co-parenting. Friendly, not adversarial. The kids need that modeled to them, and I finally did detach enough to the point where I can give that to them (and her).

It is nice having a place where I'm completely in charge. It is a blast taking care of the kids when they're with me. I miss them intensely at times, and that's rough, and I think that will be a part of my life from here on out, but you have to let them go eventually even in the happiest of homes, and this is maybe sort of a way to get used to it ahead of time.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know you're going to be feeling better than you think possible right now, and it will be sooner than you think realistic. Anniversaries are hard because we're feeling people, and there are tons of great memories that come to the fore at those times, while the bad ones get pushed down, leaving us very sad for what we lost. That can hurt, but you also wouldn't want to be unable to feel those emotions, so see it for what it all is: progress.

And don't stop GAL -- it's the key.