I guess I worry that if I fill my time with other plans and there's nothing left for him, then I won't see him at all. But maybe that's what has to happen for him to realize "hey I guess I need to plan ahead if I want to see KGirl" and if he doesn't realize that then obviously he is not that interested in seeing me in the first place.
Exactly this! Go about your life, make plans with friends, do NOT be sitting home waiting for him! Soon enough he'll get the message that he has to make plans with you in advance. (This, btw, is what grown up men who have a genuine interest in a woman do.)
Let me tell you a story. When I was first dating after my divorce, I dated several guys that would fall into the category of Love Avoidants. They wanted SOME intimacy. but didn't need much of it, and didn't want to be obligated in any way.
I had a "coffee buddy" that I would chat with at my local Starbucks in the morning, and was telling him about my travails with my current Love Avoidant "boyfriend". Turns out, coffee buddy was also Love Avoidant and he told me what it's like from his perspective. He said, if he made a date with a woman on Monday to go out on Friday night, it hung over him all week "like a dentist appointment" lol. So he'd wait until Friday to call, if she was available, great, if not, he'd just call another girl or just hang out by himself. He was perfectly happy with that approach but I bet it drove his dates crazy. The truth of the matter was, he just didn't CARE ENOUGH whether the date worked out or not. And he was terrified of feeling obligated if it turned out he just wasn't in the mood once Friday rolled around.
Now - your new date might just be super busy and you might be too needy. OR he might be a classic Love Avoidant. His past history with relationships might give you a clue as to which he is.
But while you put together the clues, don't be too available. The Love Avoidant will be content to just see you on the rare occasions where it works out. The overworked guy who really DOES want to see you will get a clue and make the effort to make firm dates in advance.
