Limerence and My Situation 2

[25yearsmlc]

Park,

maybe this note I wrote to someone else, will help. They were in a similar "Pick me" dance with their WAS.
They asked how their spouse would notice their changes with so little contact.

1) You have children, so you know you Will have contact with each other, even if it's limited.

EMBRACE the time & space apart, so you can work on yourself.

It's a whole lot harder to GAL and or do 180s and or to just to think and reflect on changes you might want to make, if your WAS/MLCer is there in your face, silently stewing or loudly spewing.

AND - it's much easier for your WAS to notice changes on your end, when they only see you weekly/monthly or rarely.

Weight loss (yeah, the DB diet sure is effective, eh?) or a new hair style or clothing, are easier to notice when you don't see someone on a day to day basis.

New behaviors (being punctual instead of always late, for instance) are more noticeable to someone who only has limited interactions with you b/c they may be scrutinizing you more in those brief exchanges.

2) So you make the most of those interactions. Instead of being nervous (which we all were, trust me) learn to see the interactions as opportunities to demonstrate change on YOUR end.

Don't scrutinize her words or behavior. Do not make her your focus. Have zero expectations that the interaction will lead to anything, then.

YOU are your focus.

You are upbeat in front of the WAS, even if the interchange is 3 minutes...that's all YOU have anyhow, b/c you have to be on your way to the interesting person(s) you're meeting up with and doing fun things with in exciting new places...

This way you won't be posting here about how sad you were that the WAS "Didn't even ask me to join her watching a video/went running” or 'didn't want to come with me..."

3) SO Let her soak in the new you. Meaning, Do NOT expect her to notice AND comment quickly, about a new behavior in you.

There are things about the new you that they will not have figured out yet or come to trust are real and lasting…Plus the typical WAS/MLC is pretty self centered for awhile, so it will take TIME.

APs very distracting & will delay realizations on their end.

Like a ship headed for an iceberg, sometimes the "Get a Divorce NOW!" momentum is hard to redirect or stop.

Again, it takes TIME.

4) SO Make the most of the time. The KEY to Detachment is GAL.

Without GAL, you are very likely to obsess yourself into depression or desperation, and that's not a good place to be. And I know of no other way to DTR or detach, without GAL.