I only told you all that to say that Yes they can behave in ways we find shocking.
Yes they can plan witout us knowing and yes they can have a ton of cognitive dissonance.
Yes they can change without us really knowing when or why, and or they have hidden their true selves well, and or we were blind, and or all of the above -
but what matters at this time is what You are doing.
Eventually, my h & his inner restlessness became THE priority in our family, in some form or another. Whereas I now see that we became pretty much an option for him.
Only when it "glowed in the dark" publicly, (& when I really needed him), did I awaken to the reality that he just wasn't that into me, our marriage or family time. I'm Not saying he had NO feelings, just not as many as he has for himself.
I have mixed feelings about some of DBing. The part about GAL and Detachment are gold.
Owning our own parts in marital issues is fair, too. Way too much victimhood goes on, and anger that has already hurt m's often pollutes the kids. So there's a lot of good work going on.
But there is a lot of projection of Guilt/shame onto WASs' - that I am not sure applies nearly as often as we wish/hope/believe.
Plus, if a spouse who feels guilt/shame - still behaves miserably, what difference does it make how they FEEL?
We have to react according to their actions, and literally nothing else.
Protect yourself and your kids T3. Be in your survival mode now.
Deal with the "Why" later and maybe later, you won't care as much about why.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
