A familiar story with questions..

[RR17]

I understand and agree with several points. Unless I'm missing something some of the accepted info on this board contradicts its self as well as DR book.

This is my 2nd go round and I know what doesn't work. I did it. It is the Pursuer/Distancer dynamic and I have read about it a length.

I have reread this thread and nowhere have I asked for or insinuated that there is a silver bullet or single trick. I get that.

When one thread says move away from the S and the next says become a good friend to the S, it get's confusing.

When DR says fix the problems in you and the problems involve intimacy with your S. (a common problem with LBH) It gets confusing.

When both book and this board says to "try and monitor", yet Sandi says the b!&* is a lier and is taking temp. (which I believe is very plausible). It gets confusing. Is it working or is she testing to see if you will still be plan B?

If you are going to do anything, either passively or actively, you are doing it to affect change. Does this mean you expect to fix your S or Fix the problem?
No, unless we could change other people it would be impossible and we all know we can't do that.

One benefit that I have is that I have been here in this SITCH before. My W has seen the pitiful blubbering spineless victim beg and plead. That has never been the case this time. Anything different is surely seen as a 180. I have seen the benefit of not pushing her away with my pursuit. She seems to enjoy my company, which I intentionally limit.

Odd thing is, she, for the most part, is acting as if everything is fairly normal.
She also went to gather info on D from an attorney yesterday.