not to nitpick but I think it's very important to realize there are NO "RULES",
Then what are Sandi2's 37 Rules?
They are your roadmap to how to behave with a WAS, particularly if you're still in the same house. Call them rules or guidelines or commandments or whatever, it doesn't really matter. 25's point is they are not a replacement for reading DR and other self-help books, for going to IC, for going to MC (if and when the marriage gets to that point), for seeking medical attention for extreme depression or anxiety, for going to Retrouvaille, etc. etc. Some people think all they have to do is follow Sandi's rules and that will heal their marriage. Sandi's rules are one tool in your toolbox. You need all the tools to fix yourself and maybe the M, no one tool will get you there.
Also it's not a static situation. It's dynamic. As your WAS and your situation changes, you have to tweak your DB'ing (including Sandi's rules) to compensate. You have to monitor, and keep doing what works and stop doing what doesn't work. In order to know what works and doesn't work, you have to change things up now and then. That's the nature of DB'ing.
