I would love to hear what get's their attention, what has been successful at shaking them out of the fog. Do I pack my stuff?
When you are fully detached and don't care what gets their attention.
Cadet's answer was brief, but there's a deep truth in it. You cannot shake them out of the fog -directly-. Only they can do that. Anything you do to force them, like packing a bag, or begging them to stay or whatever, it's all the same to them- tricks to get them back. And they will see right through it.
DBing is -indirectly- influencing them. WAS's are stubborn, they are convinced what they are doing is "right" even though they usually feel terrible about it. The more you TELL them they are wrong, the more convinced they are that they are right. Begging/ pleading/ reasoning/ explaining/ apologizing all just sounds like pandering to them, it all sounds like efforts by you to get what YOU want (to get back together) which to them looks like "more of the same behavior" (IE- control, manipulation, selfishness).
So the idea is to show them the opposite of what they expect (180's). They EXPECT you to pout, whine, beg, plead, etc. So if you pull back and become more independent and self-sufficient then THAT is what gets their attention. If you've had previous relationships where you were the one that broke up, then think back to the aftermath. I had a GF that just said "fine" and walked away. And I had a GF do the whole begging/ pleading thing. The former seemed strong and made me wonder if I gave up someone I shouldn't have. The latter just seemed weak and pathetic and while I felt sorry for her, it just reinforced my belief that she really wasn't for me. I just mention that because most people have been through the same, and it kind of helps you understand how the WAS thinks.
So yes, you increase your chances of a recon by getting to the point where you don't care what gets their attention, you live for you and not for them. Paradoxically that also puts you in a position where if they do decide to recon, you may not want to because you no longer need them. But that's OK. "Wanting" your spouse is fine, "needing" them is unhealthy.
