Jumping through hoops and trying to do everything he says or points out is called pretzeling. The harder you try to fix everything he points out, the more he'll find for you to do and guess what? The list will go on and on.
Each person needs to own their 50% of the breakdown of the marriage and that means you don't take on his share. He should have been talking to you all along if he was that unhappy. He didn't do that or you would have known long before the bomb drop. I want you to understand that if he was going to have a crisis, there was nothing you could do to stop it. The crisis was set up a very long time ago, back many years ago and your h now needs to grow up. His coping skills are limited and he doesn't understand how to get the help he needs and to truly do the difficult and necessary hard work to overcome many of the obstacles that he thinks are in his way. Leave him to it. You are not his mother and he will need to learn how to navigate life's path in order to grow up.
For now, keep the focus on you and your family. That is what is important.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
