I really feel for you, so sorry to hear about this tough time.
At these kinds of times it's really tempting to lash out. Believe me, I feel like it so often.
But don't.
You have to ask yourself, what is the most exquisite revenge?
Is it the short term satisfaction you will get from making your W feel bad for a little bit because you have evidence of her A? Because your S may blame her for the break-up of your family? Even if she experiences these feelings, they will be fleeting. She will go to OM for her affirmation that she's doing the right thing, that they are not bad people.
Or would it be this...
Your W wakes up one day and looks at OM and realises he's nothing special, that she destroyed her life with her family for a person as flawed as the one she thought she was leaving. When she sees you looking happy and well, toned and tanned, moving on, laughing with your son, getting looks from other women - what will go through her mind? This is the revenge that will exact itself on her every single day, every single minute, and she won't escape it like she can escape your accusatory voice, because the voice this time will be in her head.
Unfortunately it's a slow slow SLOW burn. And it's largely dependant on how much self control, dignity and GAL-ing you can do now.
She fell in love with you once. She's attached to someone at the moment so even if you were that original person she fell in love with was here, she wouldn't be able to see it. There's hormones in the way and a narrative she can't immediately dismantle without annhilating her own self image. But there are universal laws that nothing in this world can escape. Like the law of gravity. I'm refering to the law of decay. Everything that once was new and beautiful will become old. This applied to your relationship with W, my relationship with WH, and it will apply to her relationship with OM. The key is patience and choosing the right actions. Don't do anything to justify the picture in her head of the man she is leaving. The voice in her head will start whispering, but you have to act the right way and leave her alone long enough for it to gain strength.
It's the hardest thing in the world to do, but if you want that scenario badly enough, you will do it.
