yes you are doing a great job in a crap situation.
yes your h wants to have cake and eat it too, with frosting as well.
My h wanted to "commute" to/from Alaska with me in central CA (in a new place we moved to a year earlier, for HIS LAST job);
where I knew 2 people...and as goofy as that was, i still had not fully grasped the meaning of his ACTIONS...
b/c of his words and b/c he can really do some cognitive dissonance well and b/c I was blind.
Then I got sick/hospitalized while back east for a wedding, and he could barely be talked into retrieving me for the flight back west. I was too messed up to realize how bad he was or how bad things must have been, but I had a growing sick feeling.
My family was privately appalled.
Then we returned to CA and he left for Alaska - leaving me alone 5 days later. I was in a daze. H was in a hurry. I could not drive or bathe or swim, unsupervised. I was forgetful and confused and physically clumsy. In hindsight, I felt humiliated but at the time was too screwed up to really "get it".
And h wasn't very nice for the most part, he was really weirdly ugly our last week together and that growing sick feeling was almost brimming over me.
I did ask him at one point in that brief few days, why he was "MAD AT ME??" Then he briefly apologized with a hug, and like the chump I was, I lapped it up as if he had explained himself well. "Oh good, he's not mad now." (what??!!??)
I filed for D 3 days after he left, when I realized for sure he'd cut me off our joint accounts, and my family back east was howling. I had $700 to my name, and a credit card in my name only. Nice.
No my kids do not see their dad in the same light.
YES that is sad, but it is recoverable. It'd be far FAR worse for them to see me in that relationship dynamic again.
They were each openly "proud" of me when I filed, which was bittersweet to hear.
At least now I have the chance to model recovery and a fulfilling life without him, which I would not have been able to do if I had not filed. At least now I'm living an authentic life.
It was mortifying to me to be treated this way so "publicly", and it was shocking and yet, I awoke (even though I was still in an impaired fog).
His indifference was incredibly clarifying.
Yes T3, your h wants the best of both worlds. Or the best of 5 worlds or 258 (??) worlds ...
Whereas you want your own reality based world. Stick with that.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
