I never said not to be there for your kids. I said don't be telling her you will always be there for her, or that you'll always love her no matter what she does. I'm trying to tell you that she has to believe there's a big possibility she could lose you if she treats you wrong. She doesn't want you, and as long as she thinks she can treat you like garbage and still won't lose you.......she'll never be attracted to you. Human nature, alone, does not respect someone we can kick around. That goes double for the WW. I am trying to tell you how her mindset works. In every successful R I have seen, the WW was concerned her H would no longer be in her life.........or that her "position" in his life was being replaced. It is what she has to believe, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you don't intend to be there. I'm not telling you to stop loving her, just stop telling her. You have to act as if she's losing you. See what I mean?
Currently.......It's the fear that's your biggest enemy. You are so afraid of losing her that it causes you to hold on tighter. She feels that tight squeeze and struggles to get free. Until you learn to let her go, you won't have a chance at getting her back.
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I cant keep up with the mood changes.
Most nice-guy types have been trained to base their day around the mood of the W. If she's in a good mood......then he has a good day. If she is in a b'tchy mood......then his day is not so good. (I've seen reversal roles where the H is the moody one and it's the W who walks on eggshells). This becomes a prison, and the only way a H or W can break free is to stop handing over the power to the other S to control their day and their own enjoyment. If the other spouse is grumpy, too bad, but it should not affect you. Their mood is their problem. Don't make it your problem, too.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
