KGirl - new life, new stuff #2

[25yearsmlc]

Ugh. Today I am very much in a "why do I have to be divorced, why did my XH have to be such a s***, why did I stay with him when I could have met someone I'd still be married to" sort of mood.

um, no offense, (really) but I was married longer than you've been alive. Learn to be Be good alone. It is a gift for which I'm learning to be grateful.

I'm tired of seeing friends/coworkers be happy with their spouses and have someone to come home to when things are stressful.

do you see your friends/coworkers going home stressed and their spouses making them feel good? Come on, you know better. You were married.

Someone they can count on and rely on.

As much as I CRAVE this^^ - I had it and then it went away. Maybe we have to rescue ourselves, and never "rely" on someone else to do it for us. Even the great truest spouses can die, or change.

Yes I know they may not be as happy as they look but for the most part my friends are pretty happy and wouldn't trade their spouses for anything.


Then they are blessed. Good for them. They sound like good role models.

The current relationship I am in is so up and down lately, I have no idea what to do. One week we're having a great time, hanging out, I'm introduced as "girlfriend" (yay!), I think we're having good conversation and communication, the next week I get bailed on when we're supposed to do something, and when I try to talk about it I get told that maybe we should break up because he feels bad he can't give me the attention I deserve/doesn't have time for me and doesn't know if he ever will (??)

translation - "don't ever expect me to fulfill your needs or wants, b/c if you do, I'll leave. So there. Keep lowering your standards or you'll be alone."

We maybe get together once a week despite living half an hour apart due to his work schedule/whatever else he's doing (like spending entire weekends with his family).

Right now I have no idea what's happening because we left it at "let's talk in person".

I think it's worth talking about (in particular, I don't like being told "I can't give you what you deserve" -

hard to believe man/boys can say this crap out loud and not have it be seen for what it is.


KGirl, maybe you should look at the...website. Don't take offense at the name, it's quite fitting for many of us and there's no shame in it.

But this guy is bad news. Period. No question. I'm very sorry b/c I know you are vulnerable. But being alone and able to meet a good guy

is way better than lowering your standards and being off the market, especially in a relationship that sounds doomed already.



why don't you do the best you can and let ME decide if that's what I want or not??) but obviously so much of that is outside my control. I understand people have lives and I want to be independent and co-dependent

???

but I also want to know I am a priority to someone and they will make time for me.

this ^^^ is a given.


I'm willing to stick through this tough time (busy work schedule) but I haven't gotten any reassurances about how long this will last or that he even would WANT more time with me if he could.

KGirl, what is the ^^^question here? This guy has been pretty clear. He does not really want a r the way you do.

So you can take it or leave it. A half a$$ one that leaves you feeling rejected, or nothing.

Don't forget the hard earned lessons from your divorce.


Being single at this age feels hard.

Um, here's a small 2 x 4, "seriously??" As opposed to what, when you were 20? Come on, get some perspective.


You know the answer. My suggestion is to get some IC to learn to be content on your own.

I firmly believe we all need it (my first time living alone in my life, began 4 months ago. I am GLAD for it and never really knew that I would be).

I think when we crave other's company and present with our bucket of need, we tend to attract those who cannot fill the needs. And then we create a cycle.

But you can break it. People do everyday.

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