Think my WW is doing a better job than me at Divorce Busting, how is this possible? Had a bit of a setback Saturday, for some reason I was in a depressed mood, not sure why but at the end of the day the kids cheered me up! S17 has been non existent in the house like he doesn't even want to be there, very sad for me! Sunday spent the day with the two younger kids, had a blast with some outside activities, that has turned into my GAL plan more than anything else. WW has zero interest in doing any of these activities with the kids which is odd behavior for her as she always did these things, now she just tries to re-gain their love by spending money on gifts hoping to by their love and affection. Today is a new day, hope it's a great one!
I didn't want to play with my dad in the yard when I was 17, did you?
Keep up the good work and stop worrying about what she is doing and not doing in regards to the kids. That is their relationship, not yours.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
I didn't want to play with my dad in the yard when I was 17, did you?
Keep up the good work and stop worrying about what she is doing and not doing in regards to the kids. That is their relationship, not yours.
Thanks RR for the "slap"in the face! With my S17 we have always done things together, workout, sports etc... I can understand him at his age wanting to be with friends but this is different,it's as if he is avoiding the house.
I don't worry about what WW is doing anymore for some reason the other day I was depressed and questioned myself and what I am trying to do and she seems to be effortlessly moving on while I swim upstream in this situation!
In regards to my WW, I do see some changes in what I am doing, I booked a weekend getaway with the kids, something that WW always did, she at first said she wasn't going because it would give the kids "false hope" that we stay together, she told me she has now changed her mind because the kids wanted her to go. When she told me I just responded that "she is welcome to go but if not we are going regardless", that she doesn't change my plans, the kids and I will have a blast! I have also learned that she is taking the kids to the beach tomorrow, I asked my s13 why and her response to him was because she wants to get outdoors and be in nature??? This is the type of GAL I am doing with my kids, getting outdoors with them, she has become curious of late when we get home and the kids tell her how much fun they had with dad. I seem to be getting small positives from her regarding detaching, got to keep it up, really enjoying spending time with my kids.
Good going Dusty! It sounds like you're doing well detaching.
Is there any legal stuff happening yet in your sitch? (Just making parallels between our sitches again.) For you D was filed 2 months ago, so are y'all just in legal limbo at this point?
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
Holding, I'm trying, everyday it gets a little easier to detach almost as if it's my new normal, some days i'm down on myself but when it goes well it just seems second nature.
Legal stuff is going on, in limbo. We did the friend of court thing with regards to custody and it appears to be a true 50/50 split on everything. We won't need to provide money to each other as we make the same amount. Guess that's a good thing, need to consider selling the house but I'm not doing anything on that until we have a discussion regarding money, ie.... 401K money! This will be a big loss for her!
Sounds like you're doing good Dusty, keep up the GAL!!
Originally Posted By: dusty70
Think my WW is doing a better job than me at Divorce Busting, how is this possible?
How do you mean, do you mean because she's creating space? DB'ing is about giving the WAS what they want (time and space) even though it's not what YOU want. It's different for the WAS because they WANT time and space, they are not doing something that's counter-intuitive like the LBS is.
Thanks AS, That's exactly what she is doing, I have always let her do what she wants. Even though at BD she said that I held her back and she felt suffocated. What I am doing for myself ultimately give's her time and space to do what she wants, it is starting to work against her as the kids have expressed to me that mom never wants to do anything with us anymore. More time for me!!
Is it considered snooping if my WW/WAS/MLC'r accidentally leaves her FB messenger open and I see her messaging with her EA? She mentioned to him that the big reason my WW want's to end the marriage is because she felt I was too strict on our children yet she didn't file for majority custody?? She told him that I have made so many positive changes but it's most likely too late, and then I read the most hurtful thing I could have ever seen. She said that she most likely never loved me??? WTF?? Then I had to remind myself of the Sandi's rules that they will speak in absolute negatives. Anyway..... she left me some voice messages that I need to keep the kids as our main focus and that she doesn't appreciate me going out without telling her where I'm going(I did tell the kids). S17 had some activities this past weekend, WW didn't go but texted me a few times wanting an update on how he was doing, finally replied and said he was doing good, told her that she should be there to watch and support him. She had more important things to do like go out with her friends and leave my other two children at home by themselves with making them dinner. They are old enough to be home normally but things are different now. These messages she leaves me always have the same tone to them, that I am not putting the kids first and if "I drag this out it will affect them" and "do not put them in the middle of this". I just don't get how she can blame me for something that she has done? I didn't step outside of our marriage, I didn't quit on the marriage, I didn't file for divorce, I'm not the one trying to sell the house, but yet it's all my fault according to her! Thank god I don't believe this anymore! Again, I'm all over the place. BTW, had a bunch of fun with my kids this weekend, they are my saving grace in all this mess.
Tough noogies for her. You plan your comings and goings with your team. She wants off the team so she's no longer in the loop. GAL your butt off my friend. This time is your time. You should be too busy being awesome to waste your time reading the FB messages of two adulterers. Those are not the kinds of nasty negative things you want in your life. You're better than that. You're better than her. Remember that.
Dusty, I can understand how your curiosity got the better of you. It's a shame you had to see that. I would say it's passive snooping, but snooping nonetheless. TxHubby is right. Try not to give her a place to live inside your head.
My W has done the same thing with busting my chops when I go off without telling her where. I don't know where she's coming from - she wants a D!
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
