I have outside help. I see an IC. And I will get my D into seeing her. Yes I agree he is resentful of me going home to be with the kids. He always says I'm a part timer. I guess I just find it hard. Like today. He is sick and grumpy and miserable to me. It is taking everything in me to continue to be calm and not react. Because I know he isn't feeling well. It's frustrating to know that if I acted the same way he would be all over me. Just one of those days today where everything is bugging me. Yes I am getting my IC to help me to overcome my resentment. And I have come a long way. And you are right. He is tired and depressed. I guess I am also at the point where it's hard to not believe everything he says and if he says he wants it to end. Then I am at the point where I think what is the sense of dragging things on. I get it it gives me space to work on me and ultimately things will improve either way. Yes I work on myself everyday and I find it is flowing into other aspects of my life. I am way more patient with my kids. And I am more present in their lives and for that I am so thankful. And if it wasn't for this separation I never would have seen myself for who I was. And never would have had the chance to change who I am.
I am frustrated because I have not been arguiing with him and kept things really mellow and good. Now today he is in a bad mood and everything is my fault again. So all the good I have done is gone in his mind because of him being sick and in a bad mood. Just voicing my disjointed thoughts.
