OwnIt - "He is beginning, for the first time, to experience the consequences of his actions."

That is what I was thinking.

So last night he ambushed me again. After I put S to bed I went into the garage to retrieve some things from my car and he was standing at the kitchen counter with a notepad and some papers in front of him. He said he wanted to know if now would be a good time to discuss the divorce.

Is it me, or is he just not listening to me?

Is it me, or is this a control thing with him?

Maybe I wasn't clear enough the first time? Perhaps he didn't hear me when I said we should pick a day and time to discuss this? Maybe I need to say it again?

Or is he pushing my boundary?

I replied as calmly as I could that no, it wasn't a good time and either later in the week or next week would be better for me. He asked why I didn't want to discuss it then and there.
My response to him was that I have a big project due at work on Wednesday and that is where my focus was at the moment.

So I got punished this morning for not wanting to do things his way. He made a jab at me because I left a fish oil pill on the counter and S reached for it. He said I should know better. I didn't respond. Then, I put a t-shirt with a bulldozer on it on S and H kept trying to correct me telling me it was a digger. Really? I didn't respond.

As I type this I realize, well, at least he isn't indifferent to me (because that is the opposite of love). He is obviously very angry at me. At least that is the way I see it. Very passive aggressive.

So as I heal and work through my issues, I keep in mind that this behavior is all about him and not me. This childish/teenagerish behavior is just where he is emotionally at this point in time. I didn't cause this behavior. He, like me, can choose how to respond. He does have choices.

He can treat me with dignity and respect, he can be kind, he can move out, he can treat me the way he is treating me. There are so many choices available to him.

For me, I can respond in kind. I can be mean, vindictive, spiteful, etc. Or I can kill him with kindness. Or I can ignore it and continue on my way.

I am doing my best to ignore it and continue on my way.

I know I am still not as detached from him as I would like because this does bother me. Although not as much as it once did. Six months ago I would be really angry, now I am . . . frustrated.

On the positive side, I am trying to reframe this in my mind so that I look at it as an opportunity to learn to detach from other people's behaviors. To really learn that what other people say or do is not about me; it is about them.