Very sorry you're going through this Holding! Reading it all in black and white is one of the hardest parts to be sure. When I was driving to work this morning I was remembering our day in court for some reason, and that feeling hit me again, just walking out of that court, divorced for the first time in my life, confused and bewildered more than anything frankly. It had been years since BD and S, but it was still surreal. And there was relief too, that it was all over.
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This doesn't feel real.
Yeah, exactly. For me D finally brought an end to that. Something clicked in my head, I knew it was done and I was free to move on with my life. And I did, with gusto.
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I know I was not the perfect husband. But I did so much for her. When she was having panic attacks and didn't want everyone else to know, I helped her through them and kept her secret. I helped her get ahead in her career by caring for the kids by myself. I was super frugal when money was tight. I endured years of her snappy comments, coldness, the SSM, and her general sour mood. Why wasn't I the one to leave?
GOOD! That's exactly the kind of realization the LBS comes to when they start coming out of the fog. That's a healthy sign, you're starting to remember what the M was REALLY like instead of having an idealized version of it stuck in your head. You may not have been perfect but neither was she. None of us are. Marriage is SUPPOSED to be sticking with your spouse IN SPITE OF their imperfections. The WAS violates that vow, which says more about their character than the LBS's.
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I feel like I just can't DB any more. What's the point? She wants a D, the papers have been filed, and now the L's are going to square off.
It's hard to DB during D for sure.
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I couldn't keep our family together. I let my boys down.
As long as you continue to conduct yourself with honor and dignity then you are NOT letting your boys down. Show them how a man handles adversity. That's where the real life lessons are, not when everything is always perfect.
