Finding my way in the dark - Part 2

[Holding]

The insanity of this all is really hitting me today.

The great "unfriending" has happened on Facebook. Most of my family unfriended W, and then W noticed and dropped the rest of my family who were left. W is a borderline narcissist who thrives on Facebook attention and praise - we all know that's to cover up her immense insecurities. W expected things would just be smooth and everyone would still be friends.

W's L has contacted my L, and I expect the legal stuff will start rolling soon. I'm dreading this part TBH. I read over the petition for D and it really got to me - a legal document that dismantles a family and 18 years of marriage.

This doesn't feel real. I keep thinking one morning I'll wake up and this will have all been a dream. Then I could go on with my normal life in our home, armed with the new knowledge I've gained about myself.

I know I was not the perfect husband. But I did so much for her. When she was having panic attacks and didn't want everyone else to know, I helped her through them and kept her secret. I helped her get ahead in her career by caring for the kids by myself. I was super frugal when money was tight. I endured years of her snappy comments, coldness, the SSM, and her general sour mood. Why wasn't I the one to leave?

I suppose I was too much of a Nice Guy.

I feel like I just can't DB any more. What's the point? She wants a D, the papers have been filed, and now the L's are going to square off.

If W wanted to come back, I'm afraid the path is no longer clear for her. Bridges have been burned, but TBH I'm not sure who burned them.

I fought against this since late April, and I just couldn't stop it. I couldn't keep our family together. I let my boys down.