Hi T! I am so proud of you--10 hour road trip with 3 kids and an infant? You are a total boss woman! Trips and mini vacays with/without friends/family are great for DBing! It reminds you that you can still enjoy life and other Rs (kids, family, friends) during an otherwise very difficult time. You will be so glad you did this later--it's perfect GAL.
Sounds like you are making some positive steps towards detaching. Keep up the good work! I think Cadence brings up some valuable points on how people can use communication about the kids as a way to communicate about other things or even to control or manipulate the other person. I will be the first to admit that I was GUILTY of doing this. I was so hurt and infuriated with H, that I used any chance I had to remind him that he was a selfish POS. Because we have 3 kids, we had to communicate often. Not my finer moments. Plus, he already knew what he was doing and carried that guilt. I am not sure I added to his guilt as much as I did give him "justifications" that I was worth leaving. The times he questioned himself the most were the times that I was distant/disinterested/cordial and that he saw me naturally moving on with my life.
In moving forward, I would say keep up the good work! When is doubt less is always more! Ignore as much as you can without playing games and ignoring him only to punish him--they see through that. Only respond to questions about kids/finances and in simple answers. If you don't know if you should text/say/do it, then DON'T. I wouldn't worry about what other people say to him, that is their R and you can't control them. Naturally he will lose support in time.
Keep up the good work!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
