Hmmm ... I have so many thoughts about your sitch, however I have said much of it before. My initial thought being that it has not been very long to make a decision on D. Given the amount of years you had together and that son is in the picture, I think 1-1.5 years post-DB is still early. I am also one that thinks that time is the best remedy. Sure people can come back together after D, but wouldn't it be better to wait until you have zero reservations about it? Also C-nut, I don't think anything in your daily life will change for you when it's a done deal.

WW- I'm glad your mom was able to help you drop your anger. If anyone could it would be her. She's an amazing woman. I'm really glad that you are in a better place now but it does make me sad you are s far away. I wish you were closer to son because he needs you. You are a wonderful father to him.

Listen, if I had to guess when you read this you assumed she was saying that she wishes you were closer for son's sake but not for hers. That is not how I read this at all. I tend to agree with 25 that she is possibly holding back on something (gun shy). Quite simply she values your strong quality as a father and wishes you were closer for him. That does translate into "she does not wish you were closer to her," as it is simply left unsaid. We know from all your posts that your W leaves a lot unsaid.

My perspective on why people should stay in a M has undoubtedly changed a lot in the last few years. I used to have this somewhat romantic idea of what we should feel towards our partner and expect of them, and that those somehow held more weight than the practical elements. Now I see it from the opposite angle and I think the best reasons to stay in a M are for the kids benefit, financial stability, and that if both partners can choose to stay in the M over time (overcome obstacles and change) the relationship will have more depth and value.

She values you as a good father. IMO a mother with a strong character will value that over all else. She cares about her son and wants what is best for him. My H is an amazing father--better than I could have imagined. This is the strongest force that keeps me with him now. His XOW's XH (remember we were a group of friends) is also an amazing father (all the more reason she was a fool for Ding him, as she only thought about herself). So while you have described your W as self-centered and a cold-hearted B, on the flip side she has some character strengths. Sure she made a mistake, but she is certainly thinking ...

I hear (read) that you are happy in your new state and have moved on from your W. I just still sense you have unresolved emotions and understandably, as it has not been that long. I also wonder if you have some unrealsitic expectations of what you need her to say or do to consider a reconciliation. Do those things take into consideration her personality and if it is in her nature to do/say them at all? Do they take into consideration her own fears/hesitations? There are def things I wish my H would do or say to make this smoother, but I also am forcing myself to accept that he was never really that way before. If I want to be in this M, I have to make the choice (not contingent on what he does or says, I can't control that) and then I need to check my ego at the door.

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela