After the Storm...

[Treasur]

I don't think the past was a mirage...but I do think this is who my STBXH is right now.

I think I was a high-value woman and I let that go to invest in him and our team. That's on me. But strangely I think that the more I valued myself, the more he had to be good enough to keep me. He lost respect for me because I lost respect for myself. The woman I was would never have chased after a man who lied and was unfaithful. Never. I would have walked away because I would have said that he wasn't good enough for me.

I think being married made that more complicated for me. I'd invested years and I loved him. I thought marriage was about weathering the storms and thinking the best of each other first. Actually, I still do...but I think that only works with mutual respect. And whatever my STBXH thinks or feels about me now, his actions show that respect isn't on the list.

So, my decision now is to let him go because I deserve better than lies, infidelity and lunacy. Always did. He can infect his own life with them and build his future on that foundation if he wants to, but I won't. He will have to carry the consequences of that, but I won't carry them for him. Different kind of letting go, I think? I kept faith with my marriage until it was obvious that lies and lunacy are all my STBXH brings right now. There is no point in talking to him or seeing him. It only made sense if I wanted to repair or rebuild something. I'm just staying with NC, deleting his emails without reading them and letting my L talk to his L.

Meanwhile, on the sunny side of the street, I shall GAL like the glorious High-Value Jewel of a woman I always was but lost for a bit in the land of an immature man!