Ok I read all your posts and processed them as best I could. I didn't mean make it like score keeping when I say that I do everything for the kids. But you are right. There is still resentment there for him not being a full time parent like I am. But he is still puts in more hours at work then I. And yes resentment for him cake eating.
Turn this^^ around. What if HE said "I work way harder than w, and she resents ME?"
Where is the "cake eating", btw? I'm serious b/c if he's working longer hours, to enable you to go home, how is that cake eating? I'm not saying you are taking it easy by any means.
I'm just wondering if you can see HIS point of view. He would for sure take the kids any time I asked. He already does take them out to dinner one night a week. I have not said any of this to him in person.
Sounds really good. So what is it you have not said to him?
Right now I am mostly disinterested in his life and I keep calm when I am near him. This ^^ is great.
The only child I see having issues is our daughter. She missed a lot of school last year because of this. We've talked and I hope things will be better this year. If not I will get her IC. any chance you can get her into IC now? There's no school and she's already had problems. I don't mean to guilt you!!
I'm thinking out loud that I waited too long with our d19 and until I saw actual damage, I didn't get it.
And damage is sort of hard to undo. Would have been better for me to help her turn the corner before she hit that wall.
Good point about doing more then him then saving the marriage. Definitely food for thought. meaning, that measuring when he's not even on board saving the m, isn't a great use of our time. Is that what you meant?
Also, btw, sometimes we forget that our spouses have their own scorecards. They measure things differently than we do, and we have not seen their viewpoint at times. We might be very surprised at the scoring process they use, and or their resentments...
On their score cards, we are rarely ahead.
Ok I will continue to model my new behaviour. And go out and do my GAL activities. Our break in August will be good for us. Hopefully he see that he misses being around me and our family. And if he doesn't. Then I will be ok with that.
You can do this. Keep at it and DO get some tools. Undoing our old habits and customs is very hard.
Usually takes outside help and there is no shame in that. Seriously.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
