When should a couple get divorced?

[Maybell]

Well, it's an interesting theoretical conversation even if I'm not sure it gets us anywhere, so I'll keep biting.

First, I'll say I'm not sure a series of short marriages is really where we're headed. When I lived in California, my daughter and ONE of her friends were the only two in their large social circle whose parents were still married by the time the girls were nine. When we got to Maryland, she became the only one in her large circle of friends whose parents were divorced. Of my ex's circle of friends and family, only one or two who are divorced. He lost most of our friends in the divorce -- those people are all still happily married. I don't know if you're living in a divorce heavy pocket of the population or what, but I think for the most part people agree that marriages are one and done, whenever possible.

Secondly, THANK GOD he left. I would have stayed, and I fought for that marriage, but THANK GOD he left. He abuses alcohol. He was emotionally abusive to me -- not in the bullying sense, but in the eye-rolling, condescending, belittling sense. He was financially irresponsible. He spent time on porn that should have been spent with the family. He was no fun to be around on weekends. He loved "spontaneity" but hated to be put out, so we never really went anywhere. He cheated on me and I'll never know if they were just women he picked up in bars or if they were prostitutes. Probably a blend of both.

I would not want my kids to grow up thinking that was normal.

Now My Guy and I have been dating for only a bit over 18 months, but if he left it would hurt my kids a lot. It's not only the marriage of their origin that is important to them. He's invested in them and they've invested in him and if something happened to part us, there'd be a ton of healing to do. Anyone who loves their kids is going to be hesitant to subject them to that kind of pain every 5-10 years.

I think our society has a sickness, no doubt. I do not know if the overall divorce rate is indicative of that. It's lower than it was in the 80s, that's for sure. And it has to be better for kids to have the example of a narcissistic or dysfunctional parent reduced in their lives, or to have the opportunity to have the example of a more stable parent amplified. I personally have not witnessed any casual divorces. At least not yet. We never really know what's going on between a couple. As many of us can testify, sometimes not even both halves of the couple knows what's going on between the couple. So I can't but think that the availability of divorce is a good thing. Divorce did not destroy my family. My ex-husband destroyed my family. Divorce gave me the chance to limit the damage. What would my life, or yours, have been like if we'd been forced to stay within those marriages? Don't think it would have been the happy family you're missing.