After the Storm...

[Treasur]

Hi 25. I'm so sorry that your H is being a d**k about supporting your kids. How do they feel about him or having any contact with him?

I will look after myself and my L is good. And I don't want a reconciliation.

What do the rest of you think about lies?

My musing used to be about 'why'. Understandable because it is shocking when someone you think you know becomes so unrecognisable. That was when, like you, I thought the 'real' H was reappear. Do I think my STBXH has had some kind of MLC type identity crisis? Yes, I do. He's pretty textbook and has made a mess of his own life. But the reason why doesn't matter to me as much as it did. It probably mattered when I thought there was something to be salvaged.

My musing now is more about figuring out for myself if I trusted and loved someone that I shouldn't have done, so I don't do the same again! Lies. I hate lies. And not telling the truth, which is the same as lying. I think when a WAS or MLCer lies, they are basically saying that you are not respected enough to know about something which will damage your life and wellbeing. I'm not capable of doing that to someone I cared about; my H evidently was. And not only could he do it, but he could feel ok enough about doing it to keep doing it. To look in my sappy trusting face, and eat the dinner I'd cooked, and say 'I love you', and curl round me at night...and know he was lying. I read somewhere that having an A is about a failure of character, not a failed marriage. That people lie because they can and because it makes them feel powerful.

I'm a toddler when it comes to lying. We all tell small lies...blame traffic when actually we left the house late or say we're busy to avoid doing something. I'm talking about the kind of lies that really affect other people. To lie about big things for a long time to your spouse or children, I think you must be more comfortable with lying than I am. Which makes me wonder how much my H lied over the last 20 years. I didn't see the evidence of it but then I wasn't looking. Looking back, I still struggle to see evidence of it...but he lies about everything now and has done for almost 2 years, so it is more logical to assume that he always lied isn't it?