Zues, thanks for dropping by. ANd sometimes just dropping by and saying what you did is like a big virtual hug, and right now that's really what I need. A hug. And a laugh, and I was really cracking up at your acid story. Sorry. But it was funny.

I believe animals are people who were smart enough to become animals, because I always said if I were to come back in another life, it would be as a dog.

Job, thank you, I hope when he comes to get the rent tomorrow I can have the conversation. I am nervous and I hope it goes positively in our direction. We truly need this in our lives. D9 said she would take care of the dog in the morning, so we shall see!

I saw IC again, we are getting what we can in before I get surgery and he goes on vacation. I told her a raw honest truth today that I am embarrassed of.

I am horribly envious of FF and his GF. Envious of FF that he didn't have to grieve me or miss me. That he was able to move on and find everything he was looking for in no time. I am envious of his GF because she got everything I had hoped to have with him. To be a part of his family, to spend time with his parents, be his date to the wedding and other family functions. To be with him and a part of his family. I am so jealous of her. I imagine him taking her to HHI like he did me and showing her all his favorite places and him sharing that with her and I am jealous. My IC understood my feelings completely. Sometimes I have to be honest about my feelings to get over them rather than to pretend like I don't have them because I shouldn't have them.

Oh, and exH called me on the way home from his game with MY volleyball team. I had PT tonight so I couldn't go. He called ot let me know they won all 3 games and he made a lot of the points. I was happy for my team while being sad for me and a little frustrated that I can't play and I need surgery and the ex gets to. It almost seems cruel. He also said he called to see how my PT went. So yeah, I am kind of jealous of him too.

One person I am not jealous of is his wife, lol. Seriously. Which is big, because at one point I was so jealous she got my husband, my family, the life I was supposed to have. But like my IC was saying tonight, he did me a favor. We were talking about the things D9 has been saying. She asked if she thinks I would have stayed with him if we were still together. I told her if the relationship wasn't causing more harm to our daughter if we were together, I would have stayed. I would have wanted to leave, but I would have stayed out of commitment. So the man did me a favor.

I needed to let that out. This stuff is happening for some sort of reason, I just don't know what it is yet.