What should I be doing now? (Filing for D soon)

[25yearsmlc]

I think given the history of all the texts and your pointed armor, Coconut, and the anger that you just told her you are letting go of (thanks to your mom),

Your w is understandably gun shy. And I thought for sure her pride would turn from the offer of forgiveness you said you gave her, but she did not find that offensive or recoil from the judgement implied. (I mean, wow. Huge sign to me!)


Just recently she told you pretty much that she was leery of saying a lot to you about the r, when she said she knows you hate her and she commented about your move and her take on it, (which was that you are done).

So my guess is your olive branch was very much a surprise. Of course she didn't just jump on it. After the anger you expressed to her and saying you were going to file -which appeared to be in relation to a 3rd party comment to you, via a child.

You also say you "have no idea" what she is up to or if there is an OM in her life.

Question - please imagine a reconciliation and tell us what it would look like.

I fear your vision of a recon is -

"Dear Coconut, you said you want a divorce but I ended it with OM b/c I want you back. And you moved away, so I will quit the job I love and move from my home with my son, to be near you until if and when you say yes to a reconciliation."


Coconut I'm not criticizing you.

I see is a man in pain who lashes out when hurt. A guy who tells his w he will file for divorce b/c of what someone else said only to regret it shortly thereafter,

and who moved away... (Yes I know you like it there. I don't discount that).

I see a guy who secretly dares his wife to join him to show she cares, but who won't tell her to do that. In case she won't.

And I see a lot of wounded pride.

Hey, it's not like I don't identify with that. I do very much.

Sometimes it's a fine line between healthy self respect

and a wounded ego.

It's not easy to draw or hold to that^^ line. But it is valuable to be aware of it.

I think you are putting a lot of obstacles in her way - b/c it makes you feel safer. I understand that.

But it's not making a reconciliation more likely.