Oh, sweet Treasur, Please be kind to yourself right now. I feel your hurt coming right through my computer. As my D31 told me early on, "You need to do some radical self-care right now, Mom."
You hang in there. Every single day, it gets easier to look ahead and not behind. You may not feel it, but it's happening. Hugs!
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
