So as of around 4:00AM this morning, I can officially say that I dropped the damn rope. Told W that I will no longer be disrespected by her communications with OM in this home. W basically gave the "I don't have to answer to you." response. And grabbed her phone from the floor, not to check it but to say that what you have been doing with this thing is wrong. That's when W snapped, jumped on me and punched me in the face about 3 or 4 times. After that W called her father making up lies on how I grabbed her. Told her that I wanted her out of this house immediately. So I decided to contact the police to get my side on a police report. Needless to say my W jumped in the car and left. I haven't seen her since.
Prior to her leaving, FIL called me saying that his daughter said I was lying on her in regards to the whole A. All these months, I never wanted to get him involved. But since she was the one who called him up. I basically gave him a quick review of what I had been through with her. Told him I would send the evidence and give the name of our mutual friends who were aware of the A. Nothing, but silence from MIL over the phone. Then he said he would call W back. I could hear him calling W from the other room, but I assume she heard what I said and didn't answer his call.
W tried to wake S13 up and take him with her. That's when I told her that your not waking my son up in the middle of the night, taking him anywhere due to the fact that you want to be dysfunctional. W got upset and left. So a few hours ago, I contacted her best friend giving the heads up on what went down. This is the same best friend who basically had ceased all communication with her since the A began. He said that W left a message around 4:00am, but didn't bother to check it. When he did check it all he heard was crying and then it quickly hung up. Best friend says that he has no intent on calling her back, because he is through with her lies and manipulation.
So its been 10 hours and I haven't heard a thing from W. And honestly I could careless. Don't know if she went to her sisters place or tried making contact with potential OM just to piss me off. But honestly I don't give a damn. I refuse to live a life of dysfunction and that's what she has brought to the table these last couple of months. So tomorrow, I'm going to see a lawyer and get this divorce ball seriously rolling.
Good move calling the police and reporting the story before any lies can be told. You've been doing great and you did great during this incident. Your WW's life is spiraling downward and she sees it. The worse it gets for her, the more vitriolic she'll get. She must be very prideful. Foolish pride. Pride can absolutely destroy a person. She knows she's wrong. Everyone knows she's wrong.
Focus only on YOU and the children. DO NOT let her take them from the family home. You're the adult in this relationship. With her violent outburst I think she's becoming unstable. Not a time for her to have unsupervised custody of the kids.
You showed great strength, restraint, resolve, and honor. You stood up for yourself, you maintained your composure, and you made sure your son was safe. That's all good stuff. Regardless of how this all turns out I think you're going to be fine.
So as of around 4:00AM this morning, I can officially say that I dropped the damn rope. Told W that I will no longer be disrespected by her communications with OM in this home. W basically gave the "I don't have to answer to you."
First let me say I'm sorry to hear things went so poorly. Second, I think you misunderstand what dropping the rope means. It means letting go. It doesn't mean telling her off and getting into a huge fight, that's really the complete opposite of dropping the rope. Have you heard the saying "the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference"? Indifference is dropping the rope. Dropping the rope is letting go and not caring what happens with the R after that. I read a lot of anger, resentment and hostility in your recent posts and I think it really blew up in this latest incident with your W. Somehow you've got to find your way past that and find "indifference". When you get there then you can drop the rope, and THEN you will be on the road to recovery.
Thanks. W is spiraling, I see this and so do our closest friends. FIL is in denial. That man went silent. W crawled in the house around 10:00PM last night. I went to my room closed the door and never said a thing to her. But heard her in the office crying. Didn't bother speaking to her this morning either. Technically I haven't even seen her, but I hear her voice.
AnotherStander,
The official rope dropping is me saying that I just Don't give a damn about W at this point. Especially after her assault on me and being so quicknto lie about it. I swore I would never call the police on family, but I had to do just to cover my own a**. And I hate the fact that my W made me have to go there. Prior to that my last few post were me just realizing that W isn't someone that I am eager to keep around anymore.
Sometimes they spiral into the abyss and destroy themselves. What you can't do is allow them to pull you and the kids down with them. You can't fix someone that doesn't want to be fixed. They have to fix themselves.
Focus on YOU and the kids and go on with your lives as if she doesn't exist. Keep contact to the most minimal you possibly can and ghost her. She either comes around and starts a very serious process of unscrewing her mind with professional help or you move on from her. Once she turned violent that's a game changer. You need to document that and keep the kids away from her as much as possible.
Going try making an appointment with a lawyer today. I don't need to endure this. Dysfunction is something that I will not tolerate. If this doesn't wake her up, then so be it. But I refuse to allow S13 to see me disrespected and physically abused. He hasn't ever seen the hitting. But it's only a matter of time until it happens in front if him. W won't even acknowledge that she did it.
Update on my sitch. W came crawling back in the house with her tail tucked between her legs around 10:00PM Sunday night. I didn't actuallybsee her, but she quickly went into the office and closed the door. Heard S13 asking her where she been all day. W said that we had an argument and she just wanted to be alone. Heard her crying in the room, but chose to just ignore it. Monday morning heard her in the kitchen and she took off to work early, so technically I hadn't seen her.
Later that evening friends of ours were having a party at their home. W rode over with S13 and I came in separate vehicle. So I didn't technically see her until the party. Didn't say a word to her just mingled with everyone else and S13. W tried to be cute and make a joke, but I ignored her and kept it moving. Pretty sure some folks may have noticed. After getting back him, she retreated to the office and closed the door again. And I returned to the MBR. Until she at least apologizes I have nothing today to her.
Talked with a lawyer over the phone yesterday and will be meeting with him in person at some point this week. W thinks that trying to be cute with me will cause this to just blow over. But this time around that isn't going to work.
So further in the tale of the WW. My W has been trying to be somewhat nice since her return. Have yet to reveive an apology, but we went to an education event last night(rode on separate vehicles). And she fixed me a plate and brought it to me. W went to a movie afterwards and later that night brought me back something from Sonic. I've made it a point to simply avoid her and not have nonessential conversation with her. Not sure if this behavior is her way of apologizing without actually bringing up what happened Sunday.
While she gone was cleaning up the office, I found a note that she wrote on Sunday apparently after she ran from the house. Note sounded crazy and distorted the truth on what actually happened. Not sure we she ended up and of she showed that note to anyone. But from a Wal-Mart receipt O found with it, W apparently went to a small town 50 miles outside the city.
Honestly I could careless about the fact that she left for so long and wished ahe stayed away longer. But that has me wondering if she was out of town somewhere lying, showing it to strangers and playing victim or was she seriously having a crazy episode? Also found little crazy tiny posted notes where she had scribbled little messages how she has been unhappy in the MR. For those saying that dealing with the WW takes years at times. I refuse to endure this for too much longer. Trying to be patient is one thing, but now I have to watch my back as well? I have to spy on her now just to ensure she isn't plotting against me.
You need to do what makes you happy and clearly her engaging in violence is unacceptable.
It does seem the two of you need professional help because it is obvious that IF both of you want to make this work there are vicious cycles being entered. It seems you have a clear boundary that she needs to apologize and she needs to go NC with OM but perhaps that can be brought up in a counseling session.
On the other hand, like I said before it sounds you have a lot of anger. I am not saying your anger is not justified but I encourage you to work on that. You are absolutely entitled to feeling like you are done but until that anger is gone you aren't making a well thought out choice. IF you are calm and say you're done that is a much bigger sign.
Go do something fun with your son. It seems your W has a lot of work to do and it seems she has to do that on her own.
