Not sure what I have

[Guzzard]

My DB coach told me to treat her like a close friend......if you read sandi's stuff she seems to be against this. I am a nice guy so treating her like a close friend would continue her to be disrespectful towards me hence the opposite approach.

Sorry this is longer than I intended but it does seem to be confusion in other threads and I'm confused.

I would say my W and I did fall into a pattern that happens naturally when you go from dating to M. We didn't live together before M so we did a lot of communicating via phone, email, and going out a few nights a week.

Once M and living together, some of that naturally gets lost. You are doing more together and though you do talk about it, many of the details you'd have discussed if it were a close friend are already known by your W.

For example, let's say W and I went to work on Tuesday, then dinner, then a walk. In talking to a close friend, there is a lot more description... how was work, where was dinner, what did you have, how was it, etc. In talking with my W...sure, how was the workday, but since she was there, you don't get into where did you go, what did you have, how was it....because that's already known and/or talked about.

Or as another example, if I painted the bathroom on Saturday, then W and I went to a family gathering. With a close friend (since they are not living with you).. you might talk about what color, who picked it, how does it look, how'd it go, how was the family, hows your dad, etc. With your W, you don't talk as much detail...she already knows who picked the color, you both already looked at it and decide it was nice, you both talked to dad and know how he's doing.

I'm not saying that is with everything,s but just an example that I think naturally some communication that you had when dating decreases.

When dating we'd share a email during the day....what did you do last night, how's the morning, what did you do for breakfast, etc. When M... well, W made breakfast, you already talked about the morning, and you were together last night....not that there is NO talking, there is just LESS...and more of those talks happen naturally when you are saying getting ready for work. So they aren't really critical talks that you should sit down and provide undivided attention.

This is where I struggle with the right approach.

So, no contact says don't get into what you did or spouse did over the week and not in any detail.

Doing a 180 and treating like a close friend says since my W isn't living here and to be the person she fell in love with means that I should tell W in more details what I did over the week.

On one hand, I don't see any change in her going NC. On the other hand, if I honestly told her the detail of my weekend (which would be a 180), where does it cross being transparent or pursuing. Because if I were treating her as a close friend and doing the opposite of what we were doing, then I would describe what I did. However, that goes against no contact??

Hope that makes sense.