By the grace of God

[mleigh4]

Hi all! I hope everyone is doing well. I am on vacation for a week!! Woohoo!! I plan on catching up with friends here. It really continues to comfort me that we here "get it" when many of my friends really don't.

So, busy days for me! Last weekend I went to a concert, a meet and greet, with one of my favorite Socal reggae bands. Me and two girlfriends went and had a blast! I was tongue tied and starstruck, but got some very good pics. The show was a total of 4 bands and I was sore for days after dancing for 5 hours straight! The whole experience was one of the funniest things I have ever done

My S knew how excited I was about this. I sent some pics to H since he had S, and all H could reply was making fun of my excitement. I have a huge passion for music, my friend with me commented he is just jealous as he has no passion for anything. My thought, H has no passion, period. It's that whole lack of emotions thing.

When I got S back, I showed him pics and video, and he gave me a big hug. My 10 year olds way of saying he was happy for me. My sweet kid, so not like his dad.

My S and I went toilet shopping. We cracked up when we saw the long row of toilets to choose from, a little overwhelming! I decided to ask H for help getting it from the store to home. He did, and came out of the bathroom saying he was going to put it in, but thought the old toilet was already taken out, and he didn't want to deal with that. I was so confused, did he think I was capable of removing a toilet by myself? What goes on in that head? I told him I will have it installed, and in all honesty, I was fine with that to make sure it's done right.....but also so disappointed that installing a new toilet in his son's bathroom, a chance to be around S, wasn't something he was willing to do.

It is very very clear, this house is my responsibility. However, I will continue to request 1/2 the cost of these upgrades as he still owns 1/2 equity. He never has shown any problem with that so I guess I am lucky.

My birthday is coming up on Tuesday. Big 48! I rented a beach house for S, dog and I. I can't wait! I can sit on the deck and stare at the ocean for hours, I even got myself some binoculars since it seems H took them all when he looted the house. I mentioned to H, out of respect of knowing where his S will be, that S and I will be away for a couple of days, but that it will not interfere with his schedule. S told him we were going to a beach house. I did NOT add, as I always have in the past, you are welcome to join us. As far as I'm concerned, he has worked so hard to get and stay away from me, so be it. And for the first time, I don't expect him to ask to come. I think he knows I don't want him there, and I don't think he wants to be.

It's going to be my birthday and I will be spending the day surrounded by unconditional love, and the sea to sooth my soul. No negativity, no physical reminder of a person who used to be someone else, no regrets.

I am so looking forward to the time away. There is a pool there, so even S is excited to be going.

My office celebrated my birthday on Friday since I will be away, and what an amazing job they did! I got balloons, roses, brunch, wine and sangria, even personal pics that were printed and hung up! Very cute. They then posted it on Facebook and I got tons of birthday wishes from friends, clients, co-workers and family. What a huge happy boost it was! I feel like I really needed that.

School is around the corner, so looking forward to getting back into that routine. H never did take any days off to spend with S this summer. I don't know guys, he seems to be slipping deeper into his fog.....but S has 100% of me and he knows that. I am getting to know a new friend, but just don't feel I really have time for dating in my life right now. At the same time, I would love to have a positive male influence around S. It's a weird place to be. Baby steps.

I just read Irish's post to Bttrfly about dating and it makes sense to me. Eventually it will feel right. I will just continue on until it does.

Thanks for reading and hope to catch up with you all this week. Take care of yourselves.
M