Squinting at the morning sun

[ciluzen]

So, classes are over for a month. Phew! I already know I did well in one; I feel I did well in the other.

So...I surprised myself the other day. One of my friends and I have been joking about signing up for dating sites, starting a speed dating group, etc. She called few days ago and told me she had gotten a 6 month membership, followed with a "your turn!" comment. After a lot of thought, (I've played with the idea quite a bit), XH's words when I confronted him about his relationship with Bubbles popped into my head; "We aren't married anymore."

Its true. We aren't.

As much as I see him working on himself and as much as I still love so much about him; he is not, as he told me, the guy for me...as he is RIGHT NOW.

So I signed up. As I told my friend, its like putting things on Pinterest or your Amazon wish-list...except that cute pair of shoes or fantastic idea for a garden planter that you "liked" has the ability to "like" you back. Or show interest.

Most of the guys that have responded are out of my noted age range or are not "matches"...what's up with that? Anyway, I have two that I may contact. Not sure why someone 15 years younger would contact me...I have a daughter whose almost 27. I'm trying to keep an open mind. This is a whole new world.

Oh, and my mother is coming up. My X is a dentist, in case no one guessed. My mother, always manipulative, has arranged to have him do some work for her while she visits next week. My plan was to just bring her, but I found out through Assistant B that he plans on having me assist, as he took this week off and both assistants will be out of town. He hasn't asked me, so we'll see.

I have another wedding to attend that I believe XH is going to (Bubbles is not invited). After that, no reason to see him. Really. And I may try to buy a pickup truck to run errands with...a cheap older one just for yard work. That would keep me from using his. We'll see.

Getting closer to dropping the darn rope. Someday? I still ache inside when I think of him. Its going to take a special person to win the comparison game on certain qualities. Heavy, heavy sigh.