Here again part 12

[Train]

I'm not talking you down from it. I personally think you'd feel 1,000 times better if he WAS out. The question, I think, is whether he would actually leave ... and then, if he wouldn't, how any outburst on your part might make your living situation even MORE unbearable.

I mean, if he COULD leave, something tells me he'd have been gone a month ago. It's like he really is using the marital home like his own little personal hotel.

So I'm thinking out loud here, but what IF you placed some boundaries around his coming and going at home to protect the hearts of you and your boys? I know people may respond that you can't control H, and obviously I agree with that ... you can't force him out ... BUT ... you also MUST have boundaries. And, I'm here to tell ya, THIS was one of mine! (I guess I'm fortunate that my H gladly left when I told him to, because I hadn't come up with a Plan B, or the "if ... THEN ..." part of my boundary.)

So that would be what I would punt out there for discussion:

If you NEED to place a boundary around his coming and going at the house, what could it be? So, "H, if you continue treating this home like a hotel, then I will have no choice but to ______________." (Fill in the blank.)

That's how boundaries work. You can't force him to stay gone from the house. But if he continues disrespecting your marital home by coming and going as he pleases, what can YOU do to protect your heart and the hearts of your boys from his actions??

Maybe nothing. And in that case, there's no point setting that boundary.

Does that make sense??

It's worth chewing on.