Not sure what I have

[Guzzard]

Nothing much changed, W hasn't replied to email. Suspect she will not reply and drop things off while I am not here. W is moving slowly on D paperwork. My therapist tells me even though I don't want D that I will need to push W along. It's frustrating, she is an intelligent woman who is able to do things for herself but with the D, I have had to push for simple tasks.

Friends tell me that is because it's a responsibility and she isn't interested in and doesn't care about responsibilities right now. She only cares about herself and things that make her feel good right now.

This morning I felt good, but backslid as I look at paperwork. Hard to keep detaching. I have GAL in a short while and GAL again later. I hope to get the morning feeling back. W is completely uncaring about me or M. I feel hopeless, I am impatient and know I would not want limbo though. Also, I need to man up a bit and remember a number of her choices in the last few years did cross a line and boundary for me that I let slide due to health. She can be 2 or 3 different people sometimes and always had that ability, the actress that was really lying a lot... to someone, not sure of lie vs real... so trying to ID what was real vs fake in our M gets me into trouble. I have to drop thinking about that, I guess it shows she doesn't even know who she is and just changes in situations to get validated and approved.