OMG. I'm looking at this and what a nightmare. I am amazed I'm still here.
I guess what finally made me think it was MLC, rather than 'just' an A or 'normal' break-up or WAS (well Runaway so RAS!) or even just depression fallout was two things. First, even after months, it wasn't getting less crazy or extreme. Second, my H pre-crisis was 99% a completely different person and he had erased all of his friends/life/interests as well as me and our M.
Who my H was before? Warm, intimate, funny, respected, churchgoer, romantic, kind, curious, sentimental, musical, a choral singer, joyful, lived in the moment, a good friend and husband who thought I was a terrific person. Someone whose vows mattered and who cherished me, loved his home/cats/friends. He was also prone to bouts of mild depression, found conflict difficult, naturally more introverted than me but still sociable, low self-esteem sometimes and had avoided dealing directly with FOO challenges of a narcissistic aunt, a probably bi-polar mother and a functioning alcoholic father.... As a friend said to me (and everyone who loved my H has been as shocked by this as me) it is a testament to his strength and your R that he didn't blow up before now!
And who/what is my H now? Secretive, cold, silent, unfaithful, a liar, a thief, spending money like water, still working, living for free between his aunt's home and OW's, angry, irrational, forgetful, avoids all his obligations and ignores any contact from old friends, still on Paxil, still seeing a psychiatrist, still unrecognisable, keen on tattoos, OW, trance music and work as far as I can see. Looks like someone to whom every bit of the last 20 years, his marriage and his wife are completely worthless.
No wonder I've been bewildered and struggling. No wonder, like most of us here, I can see that there is nothing I can do but leave him to it and mourn for the person I knew.
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
